Pepsi

Super Like a Virgin Vogue Bowl – Sponsored by Bridgestone

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Remember Madonna? Yeah, she was that blonde super popstar singer who wore all kinds of crazy outfits and sang about sex and religion and emerged from an egg at the Grammy Awards? No wait, she was the one who made super erotic music videos pushing the boundaries of feminism while wearing crazy makeup and pranced around 3/4 naked in badass shoes. Wait! The one with kind of messed up teeth. SHIT! Oh wait, no, she’s the old buffed one. Remember her?

The old white rich men who run the Super Bowl have decided to let Madonna perform at the half-time show. The

Bringeth me the Budeth Lighteth
spectacle where we’ve seen Janet’s boob, Janet’s famous brother, McJagger’s skeleton and that one old Beatle who’s still alive. Half Time Show Fun Fact: Up until 1984, the halftime show was primarily college marching bands and drill teams. What the hell happened?

Instead of inspiring college musicians with pride for their school and their aspirations to be seen by a large crowd, we get super-stardom shoved down our throats with a chaser of Pepsi and Bud Light. We are consecrated with 30 seconds of $2.7 million dollar brilliance beamed to our eyeballs, whilst reveling with our 7 layer dips, cheeses, meats and sudsy lagers, laughing like royalty with a turkey leg in hand in the merriment of all our festivities watching millionaires run around a field chasing a ball with pretty colored costumes. And we wonder why all the other countries hate America.

I’m still going to watch though in hopes that one of Madonna’s cut pecs falls out.

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And Ode To The Slurpee

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My dearest Slurpee, you’ve been my friend for many, many years

And on this day, when Slurpees are free, I am always brought to tears

I drive around to dozens of 7-11’s today all within my town

Getting my fix of sugar and artificial color which makes my face look like a clown

When I was a child, the choices were easy when you only came in the flavors of red and blue

But now I see that you’re Fanta, Pepsi, Twizzler, and even Mountain Dew

So much variety, so much fun, I think that I’m going insane

I’m twitching and shaking from all this icy goodness that’s slowly freezing my brain

I normally only choose one flavor when I decide to take the Slurpee ride

But today is different, I’m going nuts and making a “suicide”

So thank you 7-11 for your convenience and this cup full of legal crack

And Happy Birthday to the store that always keeps us coming back