Madonna

Super Like a Virgin Vogue Bowl – Sponsored by Bridgestone

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Remember Madonna? Yeah, she was that blonde super popstar singer who wore all kinds of crazy outfits and sang about sex and religion and emerged from an egg at the Grammy Awards? No wait, she was the one who made super erotic music videos pushing the boundaries of feminism while wearing crazy makeup and pranced around 3/4 naked in badass shoes. Wait! The one with kind of messed up teeth. SHIT! Oh wait, no, she’s the old buffed one. Remember her?

The old white rich men who run the Super Bowl have decided to let Madonna perform at the half-time show. The

Bringeth me the Budeth Lighteth
spectacle where we’ve seen Janet’s boob, Janet’s famous brother, McJagger’s skeleton and that one old Beatle who’s still alive. Half Time Show Fun Fact: Up until 1984, the halftime show was primarily college marching bands and drill teams. What the hell happened?

Instead of inspiring college musicians with pride for their school and their aspirations to be seen by a large crowd, we get super-stardom shoved down our throats with a chaser of Pepsi and Bud Light. We are consecrated with 30 seconds of $2.7 million dollar brilliance beamed to our eyeballs, whilst reveling with our 7 layer dips, cheeses, meats and sudsy lagers, laughing like royalty with a turkey leg in hand in the merriment of all our festivities watching millionaires run around a field chasing a ball with pretty colored costumes. And we wonder why all the other countries hate America.

I’m still going to watch though in hopes that one of Madonna’s cut pecs falls out.

Oprah Winfrey, You’re Still Here? CHRIST!!

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The Farewell Season: Season 3

I could have sworn that a couple of years ago I heard commercial after commercial that Oprah’s final season was happening, but even today when I click the little black rectangle, there she is, still. She hasn’t gone anywhere! That damn show is still on and her “final farewell for realsies show” is three freakin’ days long this week, labeled: The Oprah Winfrey Farewell Spectacular.

It seems so strange that she would name it after herself being the shy and humble person she tells us she is. I mean she didn’t name her magazine after herself … it’s just “O The Oprah Magazine”. See? There’s no “Winfrey” in there so it’s not about her, not at all, except maybe that she is on every cover of the magazine, but that’s normal right? Nor is her “Harpo Productions”. Sure, they share the same five letters but it’s not her, unless you have a “The Shining” moment and notice that REDRUM is actually MURDER spelled backwards. And lets not forget her latest television network OWN. That’s just a regular word … own. It has nothing to do with her initials and network at the end of it. So why in the world would she start branding herself now?

But what does that have to do with her leaving the show after 25 years? Nothing! I just can’t stand people who are so self-righteous and braggart-like and claim the opposite. Now I don’t mind somebody telling their story of struggle and suffering, but when it comes from someone who has to produce it and shove it in everybody’s faces at every opportunity on all the major networks on all the biggest shows, holy F woman WE GET IT OK??? Now granted she does a lot for charities and gives away all kinds of prizes and what not, but let’s be honest, those “prizes” aren’t coming out of her pocket-book, those are corporations whoring their goods out on the most popular show on the planet and other planets that haven’t been found yet. Don’t get me wrong, if I had a coffee mug or a t-shirt with our logo on it, I’d have her pimp the living shit out of it on that show and put one under each and every chair. Sure, all the monetary contributions help out well deserved charities, but the more you give, the more you can write off your taxes, and the more your face and name can be plastered all over said charities walls. And let’s face it, she’s not going anywhere. We’re gonna see her all over the TV Scape talking about herself to no end. You’re not fooling us Miss Winfrey  you silly gal.

Me, me, me ... umm ... me, and Tom Cruise

So yes, FAREWELL Oprah, fare thee freakin’ well. I’m sure you might scrape by with your billions of dollars and your famous friends and your 50 acre estate and your book-club and your television network. We are so happy to be celebrating with you from our 900 sq.ft 1 bedroom apartments, celebrating with you while we scramble to fill our gas tanks, celebrate with you while the economy is taking a dump on all of us, losing our houses, going bankrupt, struggling on unemployment, and barely surviving the Goddamned Rapture last Saturday. Thank you so much for letting all of us get to share in your moment of tear filled happiness/sadness with Tom Cruise and Madonna, we’re so lucky. I am now convinced that since the Goodbye-Forever-This-Time-For-Reals-Spectacular was scheduled for this week, the Second Coming of Christ had to be postponed and everybody should get off Harold Camping’s case and blame HARPO.

Oprah Winfrey, You're Still Here? CHRIST!!

Posted on

The Farewell Season: Season 3

I could have sworn that a couple of years ago I heard commercial after commercial that Oprah’s final season was happening, but even today when I click the little black rectangle, there she is, still. She hasn’t gone anywhere! That damn show is still on and her “final farewell for realsies show” is three freakin’ days long this week, labeled: The Oprah Winfrey Farewell Spectacular.

It seems so strange that she would name it after herself being the shy and humble person she tells us she is. I mean she didn’t name her magazine after herself … it’s just “O The Oprah Magazine”. See? There’s no “Winfrey” in there so it’s not about her, not at all, except maybe that she is on every cover of the magazine, but that’s normal right? Nor is her “Harpo Productions”. Sure, they share the same five letters but it’s not her, unless you have a “The Shining” moment and notice that REDRUM is actually MURDER spelled backwards. And lets not forget her latest television network OWN. That’s just a regular word … own. It has nothing to do with her initials and network at the end of it. So why in the world would she start branding herself now?

But what does that have to do with her leaving the show after 25 years? Nothing! I just can’t stand people who are so self-righteous and braggart-like and claim the opposite. Now I don’t mind somebody telling their story of struggle and suffering, but when it comes from someone who has to produce it and shove it in everybody’s faces at every opportunity on all the major networks on all the biggest shows, holy F woman WE GET IT OK??? Now granted she does a lot for charities and gives away all kinds of prizes and what not, but let’s be honest, those “prizes” aren’t coming out of her pocket-book, those are corporations whoring their goods out on the most popular show on the planet and other planets that haven’t been found yet. Don’t get me wrong, if I had a coffee mug or a t-shirt with our logo on it, I’d have her pimp the living shit out of it on that show and put one under each and every chair. Sure, all the monetary contributions help out well deserved charities, but the more you give, the more you can write off your taxes, and the more your face and name can be plastered all over said charities walls. And let’s face it, she’s not going anywhere. We’re gonna see her all over the TV Scape talking about herself to no end. You’re not fooling us Miss Winfrey  you silly gal.

Me, me, me ... umm ... me, and Tom Cruise

So yes, FAREWELL Oprah, fare thee freakin’ well. I’m sure you might scrape by with your billions of dollars and your famous friends and your 50 acre estate and your book-club and your television network. We are so happy to be celebrating with you from our 900 sq.ft 1 bedroom apartments, celebrating with you while we scramble to fill our gas tanks, celebrate with you while the economy is taking a dump on all of us, losing our houses, going bankrupt, struggling on unemployment, and barely surviving the Goddamned Rapture last Saturday. Thank you so much for letting all of us get to share in your moment of tear filled happiness/sadness with Tom Cruise and Madonna, we’re so lucky. I am now convinced that since the Goodbye-Forever-This-Time-For-Reals-Spectacular was scheduled for this week, the Second Coming of Christ had to be postponed and everybody should get off Harold Camping’s case and blame HARPO.