DMV

VFoC Podcast — "The Van Full of Candy Show: Episode 1: The Beginining"

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The debut of “The Van Full of Candy Show”, our LIVE weekly podcast just wrapped up and it went off without not having hitches! We may or may not have been live, we couldn’t tweet out, it was kind of a mess. We had our shit together Blog Talk Radio, you fall in line or we’ll take our free account and say good day sir… We said good day!

But aside from any sort of technical glitches WHOLLY ON THEIR END, it was a show chock full of callers and guests and rampant self promotion all around. We called out the California government for the thieving bastards they are and the practices of Wells Fargo as being somewhere between firm but fair and wholly irresponsible and reprehensible. Alana Kenner of Chinatown Newspaper eventually joined us to talk a little bit about how awesome we are, and we agreed; we ARE awesome. Check out Chinatown Newspaper and our article therein, in its native print form in Honolulu, Portland and San Francisco this weekend.

Also Andrea, a friend of Jason’s who did not know Jesse but slowly got to know him and his dickishness called in once, and then re-joined us later via the VFoC Answering Machine with a question about the sexual applications of bacon and plastic that we quickly and violently posed to a confused Michael from The Comedy Buffet before we mercifully ran out of time.

All around I think an excellent debut, if not the single best debut of anything in any form ever in the history of ever. But you know what, you be the judge, listen to the live episode in a recorded form in the little window box below. Hope you enjoy and check us out next week for another all new, ALL LIVE episode OF “The Van Full of Candy Show”! You’re welcome internet.

Listen to internet radio with Van Full of Candy on Blog Talk Radio

Obama’s Birth Certificate Found In a Van Full of Candy

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Here it is, now go back to being unemployed

Hey everyone, wow, we’re really sorry that this whole Obama/birth certificate thing got so way out of freakin’ control. We forgot that it was in the back of our van the whole time. Whoopsie right?? Silly us, we totally forgot that on one of our last roadtrips, Obama had it in his wallet and let us frame it. So we hung it inside the van so it would be “Officially Presidential”, like Air Force One, meaning we wouldn’t have to pay when crossing toll-bridges or when using parking garages. IT WAS AWESOME! And don’t forget that all the drive-thru food we could eat WAS FREE!! FREE G’DAMNIT!! So maybe when I say … forgot … maybe I meant … didn’t want to tell anyone. Well crap, would you? You know how much money I’ve saved over the last few months since this whole “prove you’re American” thing came out? Well I’d have to say it’s been WAY over $250. That’s a lot of Big Macs.

Here’s what I can’t quite wrap my little nugget around: When I had to renew my drivers license down at the good ol’ friendly DMV, I had to prove up and down with all kinds of documents and fingerprints and photos and fluids from places and a letter of recommendation from my 1st grade teacher and then had to recite the Cub Scout Promise while standing on a chair. Holy frakin’ shit! All of this just to renew a drivers license that I already had because I had previously aleady proved my citizenial worthiness? I can’t even IMAGINE how difficult it would be to become the Holy Ambassador to these United Lines on a Map. I mean seriously! I’m sure he had to show a birth certificate to get student loans at Harvard Law right? To get married, when his book was published, to be elected into the Senate, to say “hey I’m running for President”, and then finally to win the whole goddamn enchilada?!? So this whole time he was faking it? Well if that’s the case then holy llama shit! Slap my ass, paint me pink and call me Gertrude. Oh wait, that gives me an idea!

Van Full of Candy is officially announcing our candidacy for President of the United States in the 2012 U.S. presidential
election. And to keep things simple, we’re providing our birth certificate right now, right here for the nation to see, just so there isn’t any … confusion.

So stick THAT in your apple and smoke it

Obama's Birth Certificate Found In a Van Full of Candy

Posted on

Here it is, now go back to being unemployed

Hey everyone, wow, we’re really sorry that this whole Obama/birth certificate thing got so way out of freakin’ control. We forgot that it was in the back of our van the whole time. Whoopsie right?? Silly us, we totally forgot that on one of our last roadtrips, Obama had it in his wallet and let us frame it. So we hung it inside the van so it would be “Officially Presidential”, like Air Force One, meaning we wouldn’t have to pay when crossing toll-bridges or when using parking garages. IT WAS AWESOME! And don’t forget that all the drive-thru food we could eat WAS FREE!! FREE G’DAMNIT!! So maybe when I say … forgot … maybe I meant … didn’t want to tell anyone. Well crap, would you? You know how much money I’ve saved over the last few months since this whole “prove you’re American” thing came out? Well I’d have to say it’s been WAY over $250. That’s a lot of Big Macs.

Here’s what I can’t quite wrap my little nugget around: When I had to renew my drivers license down at the good ol’ friendly DMV, I had to prove up and down with all kinds of documents and fingerprints and photos and fluids from places and a letter of recommendation from my 1st grade teacher and then had to recite the Cub Scout Promise while standing on a chair. Holy frakin’ shit! All of this just to renew a drivers license that I already had because I had previously aleady proved my citizenial worthiness? I can’t even IMAGINE how difficult it would be to become the Holy Ambassador to these United Lines on a Map. I mean seriously! I’m sure he had to show a birth certificate to get student loans at Harvard Law right? To get married, when his book was published, to be elected into the Senate, to say “hey I’m running for President”, and then finally to win the whole goddamn enchilada?!? So this whole time he was faking it? Well if that’s the case then holy llama shit! Slap my ass, paint me pink and call me Gertrude. Oh wait, that gives me an idea!

Van Full of Candy is officially announcing our candidacy for President of the United States in the 2012 U.S. presidential
election. And to keep things simple, we’re providing our birth certificate right now, right here for the nation to see, just so there isn’t any … confusion.

So stick THAT in your apple and smoke it