What would immediately come to your mind if I were to say the words “Columbia University Porno”? Something even resembling sexy, interesting or comprehensible? Sure. Now what if I add “feminist” to that thought equation? Well, prepare your boners for some angry confusion.
“Feminist Porn”. Initially that sounds like a contradiction in terms, and it turns out, it is.
But if you enjoy the pretentious, self-important writhing of be-monied topless ladies with nothing better to do than smear eggs on the ground and drizzle chocolate sauce on each other to the chanting tune of, I’ll assume some sort of anthem of feminist oppression that even my SoundHound app told me to fuck off and not waste it’s time with; then brother, warn your pants, ‘cause a Boner-cano is on its way!
The original article I found this in termed this a “porno” which is a gross misuse of the word. At worst this is a student film, made with mommy and daddy’s money in an effort to tell them how much they hate them and their money.
These strong female fighters for equality chose to film their anti-porn in the Columbia University library as it represented “sexism at the school” because “only male authors’ names are on the building” and that the “film” was a “statement” exploring “the rituals of American Ivy League secret societies, to the point of hysteria.” Which I believe roughly translates to “We weren’t allowed in any of the school’s secret societies.”
You can check out this celebration of fisheye lenses and white panties in ”Initiatiøn”, but keep in mind that it is TECHNICALLY not safe for work. I use “technically” because, aside from a few naked breasts, it’s mostly NSFW because your co-workers might question what you understand as pornography.
We here at Van Full of Candy are just completely NOT OKAY with the way that we’re portrayed out in the, what you people call, the regular world. Constantly being called, the creepy van, the molester van, the rapist kidnapper old man with puppies and candy with a mustache van who wants to kill you with duct tape van … yeah that’s right, a double van. We are just completely fed up with this horrific name calling and all of you should be ASHAMED !!! Here’s a few examples of the hurt that you people aim at us with your hurt … guns.
So when I heard today about what, who are probably the most boring students in college history, Ohio University students were doing, I totally had to get behind their poster campaign – “We’re a Culture, Not a Costume”. I’m sure they’re all running around campus with their “proud faces” on and how they’re making a radical change against racism and cultureism and not-ever-having-fun-again-on-Halloween-ism. Strutting their stuff thinking their VOICE is being heard and it will ripple throughout the world and possibly end global warming with love and “no more war” with their “about to cry” faces.
Go ahead you crazy little nerds, you did your duty, and you’ve probably completely ostracized yourselves from any invites to ANYTHING on campus EVER AGAIN. But hey, you got one follower, and that’s me, the misunderstood Van Full of Happy Fun Time, a Van Full of Giggles and Fingerpuppets, and gawd fucking damnit, we’re gonna make ourselves heard too. So here’s our sign you Ohionians, please add it to your well intentioned movement that will probably turn into meme’s making fun of you. And oh yeah, please consider ours, thanks. Now where’d I put my black shoe polish?