It’s just damned lucky that I’m not writing this recap of last night’s live episode of “The Van Full of Candy Show” via my one phone call from a holding cell in down town Los Angeles today…
You see, while we originally chose the name “Van Full of Candy” because of it’s catchy tongue in cheek nature and faux dangerous connotations, we have since been fighting off the natural association with the inherent creepiness of our namesake. Last night we did nothing to further ourselves from that identity and really did more to enforce it than all of our efforts to refute it over the last 14 months combined.
We started off the show warning listeners that the licking of the suddenly, mysteriously sickly Jason Whitesel was ill advised, in general, but on last night’s episode in particular. Jesse blamed his cold on the infectious hospital system which Jason had been recently visiting. Jason somehow found it in himself to blame the ready availability of Purell in the corridors. Looking forward to his weekend, Jesse bitched about his upcoming participation in this Saturday’s Tough Mudder (his start time is 10:20 am if you’d like to be there to offer encouraging words and post run rub downs) and his impending future death at the cold uncaring hands of the obstacles that await him along the 11 mile journey. The boys also discovered that the metric system is used to mask the pussy length of runs until it gets to a respectable distance that sounds better when expressed in miles.
And then things went weird.
Jesse attempted to take a call. It seemed that someone might have been there and the guys convinced themselves that listening to the silence of a dropped phone call would reveal it’s secrets. That quickly transitioned into filthy “seduction” of the silent call. Hitting on the silence with ever increasingly disturbing innuendo. Then Jason had the brilliant idea of using the caller ID in the BlogTalkRadio.com studio to conference this mystery caller back through Skype.
Following a short commercial break, the show returned with the ill advised call to the mysterious caller who did in fact turn out to be the Episode 3 infatuated fan! A fan who we quickly realized, we were now digitally stalking, a fact that we hadn’t really considered until we made the call… We felt dirty and wrong in ways both positive and negative, a confusing mix of exhilaration and self loathing disgust.
What sort of societal rules will be carelessly tossed aside in the name of ignorance and stupidity next Wednesday? Tune in to find out in next week’s all new live episode: “The Van Full of Candy Show “Episode 5: Charleston, Choose!”!
The debut of “The Van Full of Candy Show”, our LIVE weekly podcast just wrapped up and it went off without not having hitches! We may or may not have been live, we couldn’t tweet out, it was kind of a mess. We had our shit together Blog Talk Radio, you fall in line or we’ll take our free account and say good day sir… We said good day!
But aside from any sort of technical glitches WHOLLY ON THEIR END, it was a show chock full of callers and guests and rampant self promotion all around. We called out the California government for the thieving bastards they are and the practices of Wells Fargo as being somewhere between firm but fair and wholly irresponsible and reprehensible. Alana Kenner of Chinatown Newspaper eventually joined us to talk a little bit about how awesome we are, and we agreed; we ARE awesome. Check out Chinatown Newspaper and our article therein, in its native print form in Honolulu, Portland and San Francisco this weekend.
Also Andrea, a friend of Jason’s who did not know Jesse but slowly got to know him and his dickishness called in once, and then re-joined us later via the VFoC Answering Machine with a question about the sexual applications of bacon and plastic that we quickly and violently posed to a confused Michael from The Comedy Buffet before we mercifully ran out of time.
All around I think an excellent debut, if not the single best debut of anything in any form ever in the history of ever. But you know what, you be the judge, listen to the live episode in a recorded form in the little window box below. Hope you enjoy and check us out next week for another all new, ALL LIVE episode OF “The Van Full of Candy Show”! You’re welcome internet.
We live in a society where we are being constantly bombarded with sights and sounds, information, flashy lights and bright colors all fighting for our precious attentions. Until very recently Van Full of Candy has only existed in a very small sliver of the noisescape’s peripherie. For the last year you’ve read our words usually on a daily basis in the form of our online humor articles and occasionally you have had the opportunity to ogle our manness in the form of small samples of moving picture talkies. That was fine, it worked, we had our outlet and we were content.
But little did we realize how selfish we were being. That wasn’t, COULDN’T be enough for YOU, our adoring public. You wanted to talk to us, to be our friends, to communicate with us in real time across the vast distances that separate us.
Finally, we heard your cries.
Last night after several grueling hours of labor we did give birth to “The Van Full of Candy Show” in the form of a live podcast experiment. It was, in our humble estimation, an unqualified success and one of the great moments in human communication. And after our fifteen minute test, we knew that we couldn’t go back, we knew that we wanted more and that we had to make this new medium our own: for you, our beloved fans.
Next Wednesday, February 1st will be the official debut of “The Van Full of Candy Show”, our live, half hour podcast, live audio blog… thing. Show. And we’re inviting YOU to be a part of it. You’ll have the ability to call in live and partake in what ever it is that “The Van Full of Candy Show” IS. We don’t even know for sure yet, it will surely evolve and grow naturally and organically, and we want you to help it take shape.
“But,” we hear you trying to interrupt as we’re talking to you, which is VERY rude. “What if I can’t be there Wednesday night at 8 pm Pacific, 11 Eastern and, I don’t know 148:30 Central? How can I have my voice and opinion heard by you, my favorite online Trans-Californian comedy duo?”
Well, we’re glad you asked, though we really wish you would learn not to interrupt us when we’re trying to tell you how Trans-Am we are. There IS a solution for your very likely predicament. Introducing the “Van Full of Candy Show Voicemail”! It’s the Van’s very own phone number. For realsies. Click on the link and be connected or dial us up at 9407 THE-VAN (940-784-3826) and leave us a bit of your wisdom and or praise. We are your outlet for what ever is on your mind. Need to yell at the world or share your inner most secrets? Want to spout off your ridiculous sociopolitical views or read us your VFoC slash fan fiction? The number is open and ready for anything and everything you can throw at it. And what’s more, we’ll even include it in our LIVE show, allowing you to participate across the expanse of time itself! We can manipulate the four dimensions of this simple existence at our whim! Shit yeah we can, we’re that incredible.
So yeah… that’s what’s going on and we just wanted to take some time to introduce you to the next step forward in our evolution. Radio. It’s the new Internet… Or something. And keep an eye on the Van folks, ’cause things are just gonna keep getting bigger as we spread our seed farther and farther, deeper and deeper into the public consciousness. Doesn’t that sound like fun?! Shit yeah it does.
Check out the Voicemail and a recording of our January 25th test show below. We’re glad you’re with us folk. Hope you enjoy the ride as much as we are.