Van Full of Candy’s Top 8 List “Looking Back on My Childhood, I Should Have Called CPS”

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#8 … Being forced to mow the lawn in lederhosen, ’cause it’s cute

#7 … Go make grandma a lowball glass of special medicine, shaken please

#6 … The overnight mayonnaise hair conditioning in a hair-cap treatment

#5 … Take this note and this $5 bill to the gas station and go buy auntie some cigarrettes

#4 … You know why your dog just died? Because you stayed out too late, that’s why !!

#3 … Making friends at school is always harder when you’re packed a sardine sandwich for lunch

#2 … That butterfly leotard costume fits you just FINE for the school play

#1 … If you’re not nice to your grandparents their arms will come out of the graves and find you wherever you are

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