It's F'ing Columbus Day Bitches !!

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Hide your kids, hide your wife !!

Have you ever stared at a word for a really long time and the word starts to just turn into letters that make absolutely no sense and it’s almost like you’re looking at a foreign language that you don’t understand? Oh, so I’m the only one? Whatever liars.

So as I was digging into the depths of all that is Columbus Day, it all started to look like something I’ve never seen before. My eyes started to cross and I

Italy, Stove Top Stuffing, Pilgrims, Parades ... WTF??

was almost able to see the 3-D picture in that jacked up poster from early 90’s, but this time it was Christopher Columbus. I started blurring the lines of Thanksgiving and good ‘ol Columbus and started getting really confused, because in the middle of those lines crossing was the confusion that it wasn’t November, but October, and October could only mean one thing and that’s Halloween, but then it started getting really weird because I started visualizing the School House Rock “Tea Party” cartoon and how that was the Mayflower, but it looks just like the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria.

Were they the same? Is Thanksgiving part of Christopher Columbus? Were the ships all the same but just made to confuse us in history class at such a young age? And if so, why would Columbus Day have it’s own separate holiday? And why the hell is it in October when all the stores are filled with Jack-O-Lanterns and candy? As of this very precise minute I’m still confused. And to add to the confusion, I found out that Columbus Day is also celebrated by the Italian community and have also named it Italian Day (or something very similar to that), while I was researching the

And to end the parade ... the sacrificial Indians are slaughtered.

Columbus Day Parade and also found out that protesters hate Columbus for all the killing of the natives he did, which sounds eerily familiar to the Thanksgiving Day story, but I thought those were pilgrims. Holy Fuck I’m confused. I just want some goddamn turkey and stuffing, well, after Halloween that is.

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