An Open Letter To The Song "You're So Vain (I'll Bet You Think This Song Is About You)"

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Dear song,

I know things didn’t really end so well with us, and the few months that have passed without any contact have been pretty stressful for me, but probably more stressful for you. But when I gratifyingly heard you on the radio today, I realized that you still cared, which is something I had thought all along, but I wasn’t quite convinced after I decided we shouldn’t see each other anymore. But I was right, I’m always right, I should kick my own ass anytime I decide to second guess myself. Of course you care!

Anyway, so what’s new? I’ve been substantially busy with my pharmaceutical sales company, I’ve really made a ton of coin this year and splurged a little last month with a convertible Corvette, black, tinted windows, paid in cash … boy do I get a lot of attention in it, I’ll take a picture of me posing on the fender and send it to you. You could put it next to your bed, or somewhere where you can see it everyday, because I’m sure you miss me, you know, like you say … “all the girls dreamed that they’d be your partner” … yeah, I get where you’re coming from, it’s kind of like a curse, but don’t worry, I’ll be ok.

So here I am rambling on about myself again, but as you know I’m usually a little less gasbaggy, I want to know what’s been going on in your life. Any new love interest? I know that I’ve probably ruined you as far as future lovers go (you’re welcome), but at least you had a taste of what a real man is like, and I’m sure you’ll eventually give in and settle for some lucky chap somewhere down the road. Oh and speaking about that, you should see my new 100% body tan. I found this cool nudist colony in Saratoga, you know, where I go and bet on the horses, yeah, well all I can say is that there are no tan lines on this specimen of Greek statuesque’ness, oh yeah, I got my teeth bleached too, they’re amazing.

So do you still drink coffee? Maybe we could meet up sometime over a cappuccino and catch up on old times, I can tell you about my Lear jet that I keep at my vacation house in Nova Scotia, but that’s boring stuff, just give me a jingle sometime and my people can arrange something delightful for us. I bet you really want this to happen sooner than later don’t you, don’t you, don’t you? Anyway, thanks for the great tune, I really love it. Smooches.

Always enchanting,

Jason W.

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