A Priest, A Rabbi and an iPhone 5 Walk Into a Bar …

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Ahhh, just have one more ... what's it gonna hurt ??

… the bartender says, “What’ll it be fellas?”. The iPhone says, “I don’t know about these two stiffs, but I wanna tie one on and go home with a stranger.”.

Ok, so WTF Apple employees? This is beginning to be some sort of alcohol induced habit. You get your prototype, you go out drinking, and you leave that shit on the bar? Come on !!

For those of you who haven’t heard yet, an iPhone 5 prototype was left in a Tequila bar in the Mission District of San Francisco, Cava 22. After researching this bar, only for the purposes of this story obviously, I’ve uncovered that the place is alive with Mariachi bands and margaritas, so I guess I could see how one would “lose” their top secret, priceless, iPhone 5 prototype in the midst of happy hour (from 4-7pm), tequila shots, music, laughing and the occasional fiesta induced shoulder shimmy with the cute stranger next to you. The phone was then sold on Craigslist for a measly $200 to an unknown party. The phone was electronically tracked down to a residence in San Francisco, but the person living there denies knowing anything about the phone. Yeah right!

And our next song is called "El Stupido Engineero"

Now lets shift our focus on the abundant conspiracies that emerge from this “mistake”.

1. “The Obvious” – In an attempt to create another iPhone release frenzy (since this happened with the iPhone 4 last year), Steve Jobs (or maybe even me now), gives one of his engineers a prototype iPhone, a crisp $100 bill, and then tells this patsy to go out on the town, have a little fun and, whoopsie, accidentally leave it on the bar before he takes his drunk ass home in a cab.

2. “The Over Your Limit” – In an attempt to get some free advertising for their restaurant, an opportunistic Cava 22 manager overhears the engineer bragging about how he has the new iPhone 5 prototype on his person. Said manager then secretly tells the bartender to make this Apple geek’s drinks a little bit stronger than usual, and offering him the occasional celebratory shot of tequila until he can’t stand on his own. The manager calls a cab for the drunkard engineer and pick-pockets him as he helps him towards the cab outside.

3. “The Whore Theory” – The iPhone 5, always playing second fiddle to it’s hot sister the iPhone 4, decides in a fit of rage, and body image issues, to turn to a life of harlotry. She jumps from the pocket of the drunk engineer, lands on the bar, and sells herself for $200 on Craigslist for a USB insertion fix of being charged to 100%. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that’ll take the edge off.

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