Sunday, Monday (Not So) Happy Days

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The safe, happy go lucky, fun, Americana days of television have decided to not lie dormant in our hearts as a great television series any longer. No, the wonderful show Happy Days has been recently infected with the long battled disease of HollywoodyWantyMoney Flu, and has decided to enter into the 21st century of jaded actors and frivilous lawsuits.

The epitome of the American family was set in the mid 50’s to the early 60’s. They hadn’t a care in the world except what flavor milkshake to order at Big Al’s Diner and which poodle skirt wearin’ floozie Fonzie was gonna bang next in the men’s bathroom stall lovingly known as his “office”. All of life’s problems were easily whisked away when “Mr. C.”, Tom Bosley, returned from work at the hardware store with a quick quip about values, and when “Mrs. C.”, Marion

This picture is gonna cost you $1,200 to show anyone. Pay up sucka!

Ross, brought out her world-crisis solving apple pie. But now “Mr. & Mrs. C.” want a much larger portion of that pie, and they want it now!! But it’s not only them; “Joanie”, “Potsy” and “Ralph Malph” want some of Mrs. C.’s yummy pie as well.*

The cast of Happy Days has recently filed a lawsuit against CBS for unpaid royalties for merchandising. If their face got put on anything like a lunchbox or a sweatshirt, those greedy little bastards were supposed to get a cut of the money, but apparantly they weren’t, but didn’t seem to really give a rats ass since they probably made so much on the show, that a $10,000 royalty check was only good for wiping their asses with. But now that the Happy Days merchandise gurus have got them on slot machines in casinos all over the nation, I’m thinking that Joanie no longer gives a shit about Chachi and can smell mama’s pie bakin’ in the oven. A big ol’ fat apple pie of casino royalties which would make their ass wiping ever so pleasant.**

Now being the research addicts that we are here at Van Full of Candy, we have unearthed a very strange coincidence from the theme song of the show and how it predicted how these gluttonous parasites would act once they smelled blood. Casino blood.

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days
Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days
Thursday, Friday, Happy Days
Saturday, What a day, Groovin’ all week with you

This first verse represents how everything was groovy and happy when the show was in full swing and everyone was getting paid like superstars. There careers were flourishing, they were stars, they were happy every single day of the week and everything was hunky dory.

These days are all,
Happy and Free. (Those Happy Days)
These days are all,
Share them with me. (oh baby)
Goodbye grey sky, hello blue.
There’s nothing can hold me when I hold you.
Feels so right, it can’t be wrong.
Rockin’ and rollin’ all week long.

This is when things start to go awry and the cast feels as if they aren’t being “share them with me” with anymore, although they’re “rockin’ and rollin'”, they wanna be “rollin'” in the dough that apparently they aren’t being paid and they hate that CBS is getting their talent for “happy and free”. They see the payday, known as the “blue sky” on it’s way as they wave “goodbye grey sky” once this lawsuit gets settled and there’s nothing than can “hold me” back, and goddammit, it “feels so right, it can’t be wrong”. Now give us our gawd-damn monies bitches!!

These days are all,
Share them with me. (Those Happy Days)
These days are all, Happy and Free.
These Happy Days are your’s and mine, Happy Days.

And this final verse represents what they’re seeing on the horizon. They’ll be happy, everything will be free, they still want their “share”, and the feeling that they get will be “your’s and mine” because they’re going to share that wealth with everyone, and to that I say “Happy Days”!!

The Fonz already got his money ... AYYYYYYYYYY !!

*Mr. C. passed away in October of 2010, but it’s his “estate” that wants the money

** Richie and Fonzie are not part of this lawsuit. Richie had no comment, and Fonzie said he already got paid for the merchandising

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