Drunk, Homeless, German Man Wins NBA Championship

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How much King Cobra can I get with this?

Move over LeBron James, there’s a new King in town, and he goes by the name “Dirk”. This seven foot homeless man from Germany reeks of malt liquor, sleeps in alleys, but by dumb luck has now found a new home in the NBA with the Dallas Mavericks.

HEY! This American beer is like pisswater.

Dirk, otherwise known on the streets as “Giant Adolf”, was mistaken for an NBA player last night while stumbling outside of the AmericanAirlines arena in Miami, Florida. A security guard at the Dallas Mavericks locker room figured that Giant Adolf had to be an NBA player being how tall he was, but was confused when Adolf kept asking him for some change. Through his thick German accent, the security guard figured he was “needing to change” so he could play in the game, let him in the locker room, and the rest is history.

Giant Adolf entered the game, ran around like a crazy man, scoring 21 points, grabbing 11 rebounds, won the NBA championship, was voted the MVP of the finals, and made LeBron James and Dwyane Wade of the Miami Heat look like playground punks playin’ a game of pickup basketball all while keeping a good buzz going during timeouts.

After the game, it was reported that Giant Adolf took his golden ball trophy and was seen walking in Miami Beach into JJ’s Liquor and Smokes looking to trade for two bottles of MadDog 20/20, a pack of Newports and some beef jerky. As for Giant Adolf’s future plans in the NBA, he was heard yelling “Ich liebe dieses Spiel” while he was pissing on a mailbox.

4 thoughts on “Drunk, Homeless, German Man Wins NBA Championship

    maximsmadness said:
    June 14, 2011 at 1:02 am

    I saw that guy once. Confused him with Andre the Giant…

    Willia Arebalo said:
    June 19, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    I am from Germany therefore we can be very happy with Dirk Nowotzki. A German is really a star in the highest basketball league in this world. We are happy how the Americans celebrate “all of our” Dirk. This is probably less recognized in the states.

      Van Full of Candy responded:
      June 20, 2011 at 2:59 pm

      I am also of the German persuasion, so I can be very happy for him as well. And I am!! I’d rather Dirk get the trophy then the spoiled kids in Miami. I just love that he looks like a dirty, bearded, hobo with a bottle of Ripple in a paperbag!! Ich bin ein berliner !!

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