Look Who’s Siiiiiiiiiiiingle !! The Shrivernegger

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I think I'll use this one for Match.com

Ok guys calm down, CALM DOWN!! Please get in a single file line and quit shoving each other. I understand now that Maria Shriver is single that we all can’t wait to get our shot at that Kennedy lineage poontang, but please, have some maturity here, Jesus!!

Oh, hi there dear reader. I’m just trying to organize this line of single men wrapped around the Sacramento Capitol who are just chompin’ at the bit to get their chance to date, and in some cases, to marry thee Ex-Mrs.-Terminator, and by the size of this line I’d say she’ll have her pick of the cream of the crop. And who can blame these guys, hell I’m even throwing my name in the hat for this hottie. What the hell was Arnold thinking? Cheating on his trophy wife. But the strange part is that he did it ten years ago … when she was actually easy to look at. Oh well … his loss and OUR gain. Those teeth, her manly jaw line, her Skeletor hands, those gaunt eyes … seriously, what’s not to drool over? But to her defense I saw the Governator’s mistress/housekeeper and holy crap Arnold, you just like ’em homely don’t you?

What? Was that too mean? Too bad! This just goes to show that all the power and the money and the success and fame and the Hummers and the movies and the family pedigree and all that shit doesn’t get rid of our basic primal urges of wanting to go around and stick our Conan the Barbarian into some Twins, or to have our Red Heat pounded by a Kindergarten Cop. That’s just the way we’re wired, get over it society! But holy cripe how fortunate for the media and late night talk show hosts and ridiculous bloggers to have something this juicy to just fall in our … I mean … THEIR laps. It’s like that dream you have when there’s just money everywhere and you can’t pick it up fast enough, but the more you pick up the more you realize how worthless it is, but then when you wake up you’re all pissed because you thought it was real and how the good dream turns to shit so maybe it’s actually a nightmare like when your teeth are slowly crumbling out of your mouth when you’re talking to someone and you’re trying to push them back in while trying to not swallow the ones that fall into your mouth, but when you wake up you’re so fucking relieved that it wasn’t real and that maybe THAT one should actually be classified as a dream vs. a nightmare. Either way … where was I going with that? Oh yeah! I’m poor and unhappy so I’m just glad that when normal shit happens to the privileged, we get to jump all over it and talk about how lame they are and blow it so completely out of proportion as to take the focus off of us and project all of our shortcomings onto them which kinda sucks in its own right because now these people are just going to become more popular and make more money off of all this with the books and the shows and the Lifetime channel movies. Ugggggh!! What can’t I get paid for all the fucked up shit in my life?

Oh yeah, back to Maria. Nice teeth.

I vant yo baby !!
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