Happy Secretary's Day : Who Says Sexism Is Dead?

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“Thank you for calling ACME typewriter company, this is Betty, how can I direct your call?” … How about you be a good girl and fetch me a nice hot cup of jo sweetie, and this time do it the way I like it … two sugars!! Thanks doll. Oh, and if Mr. Smith calls tell him I’m in a meeting! Can you handle all that?

Ahhh yes, the good ‘ol days when you could swat your secretary on her firm, plump, luscious ass and everybody would think you were a powerful man with great baby-making power and tabs at all the finest restaurants in town. A time when men were men and women knew their damn place, in the kitchen or answering the goddamn phone whilst transcribing my dictation to typewritten

I hope someday I'M pretty enough to have a private meeting in Mr. Brown's office

glorious’ness on my extremely expensive company letterhead. The days when coming home meant a warm meal cooking in the oven, a wife to take off your coat and hat, hand you your pipe and scotch (neat), and assist you with your slippers as the tension of a hard day at man’s-work eased off your shoulders as you sat in your handsome leather reading chair and packed in your favorite tobacco. Where have those days gone? Nowadays if a hard-working man even so much as keeps his hands in his pockets too long next thing you know he’s slapped with a sexual harassment suit for fondling himself in front of a subordinate and is taken for everything he and the team of men before him worked so hard to build. Well this women’s lib nonsense has just got to come to a halt, and we mean now! How can we make it look like we actually respect what they do in the workplace? Make them feel that their strides for

They sure don't make 'em like THAT anymore

equality have actually worked? I’VE GOT IT!! We’ll give them a new “respectful” holiday by’golly! We’ll let them feel like they’ve smashed the chains of inequality and have finally made it in our world, the man’s world. And we’ll call it … “Administrative Professional’s Day”! Yes! That’s it, and we will buy them flowers, perhaps a cake and take them out for a nice lunch and make them feel all pretty like. That’ll do it, that’ll make it all nice, see? Us men will still look like heroes, they’ll get the credit that they so deeply seek from us, and it’ll all be wrapped in a nice sexist package that nobody will even see coming.

What? You only used one sugar again? Well … don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, come on over here and sit on my lap and I’ll tell you just how I like it you pretty little gal.

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4 thoughts on “Happy Secretary's Day : Who Says Sexism Is Dead?

    […] Happy Secretary's Day : Who Says Sexism Is Dead? « Van Full of Candy […]

    Happy Secretary said:
    May 31, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    […] Happy Secretary's Day : Who Says Sexism Is Dead? « Van Full of Candy Happy Secretary's Day : Who Says Sexism Is Dead? 10 May. “Thank you for calling ACME typewriter company, this is Betty, how can I direct your call?” … How about you be a good girl and fetch me a nice hot cup of jo sweetie, and this time […]

    Dustin Carroll said:
    November 9, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Retarded. If women find the position of secretary a demeaning and sexist job, get another job. If women started not doing that job, men would take it. Hell I would be a secretary! And are you saying it would be less sexist for America to stop honoring secretaries and just shut off Secretary’s Day? I bet I there’s a looooot of secretaries who would think this article is fucking retarded. And whoever wrote it is some whiny women’s-lib pansy who has never busted his/her ass as a secretary a day in their life.

      Van Full of Candy said:
      November 9, 2011 at 11:33 am

      I’ve got 3 words for you … SAR-CASM. And I’d love to see you in a pencil skirt … meeeeeow !!

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