Dear holy sweet nectar of the Gods, someone has finally tapped into the best Ben & Jerry’s flavor EVER! Why in the world has it taken so long to realize that we are human, and we should only be ingesting momma’s milk, not this cow milk crap? Calves drink from cows, babies drink from soft, warm, yummy, yummy, succulent mommies.
A small ice cream parlor in London has cracked the code of the proverbial fountain of youth, the tree of life; white rain from Mother f’ing Nature herself. And then they made it into Baby Gaga breast milk ice cream. Brilliant I say!
Scientific evidence proves the extreme benefits that breastfeeding has for babies; why in the hell wouldn’t we want to continue those benefits well into adulthood? If I knew that a lactational soft serve from none other than … Dairy Queen … was
going to help continue developing my motor skills and lessen the risk of asthma, then I’d be a fool not to lap that up after a yummy lunch at my local mall. If I could lower my high blood pressure and curb Crohn’s disease by picking up a quart of Melons Madness at my local grocery store, by god I’d have ice cream every day. I’d have it in all shapes and sizes, all colors and flavors, all heights and weights, first, second and third trimesters, I don’t care, I wouldn’t discriminate!
So people, please, please do not frown upon this miracle dessert, embrace it, grab onto it, not too hard though, and realize its power, its potential. Today: ice cream, tomorrow: cheese, in the future: gallon milk jugs and the end to global warming and death as we know it. Let this magical milk spray all over the world
and land where it may in whatever product it needs to land in to keep us strong and disease free. The next time you see a mother breastfeeding her child in public, don’t frown and turn away in disgust; smile, give her a thumbs up and say “hey, can I have a little when junior is done?”, and know that this liquid manna from Heaven is finally being utilized the way it should be.
I’ll take two scoops please.