In his ever increasing swellheadedness and in his continued effort to belittle people, Alex Trebek has brought onto his show an IBM super-computer, Watson, to pound its human foes into nothing more than little puddles of humiliation. Alex, smirking in admiration the whole time, says “Oooooooh, no, sorry you imbecile, the correct response was … What is … my computer wins!!”
Now mind you, these “humans” aren’t just ordinary game show folk, they are former über-champions. Ken Jennings won 74
straight games … seventy freakin’ four!! His total amount in winnings was over $3 million. Then you’ve got the other human opponent, “Brad” Rutter, who is the biggest all-time money winner on Jeopardy! with three Jeopardy! Tournament Titles with earnings of over $3.2 million. The two top geeks of all time.
On last night’s show, Watson, who was lovingly named from his team of never-been-outsider’s, killed its competition of never-been-outside-much’ers by chiming in first, 24 out of 30 times, and getting almost all the questions correct. “That goddamn laptop is killing us!” said Jennings when he stood in disbelief at the speed and accuracy of Watson and looked at his buzzer as if it were broken. It must be pretty hard for two ultra nerds to be completely handled by plastic parts and transistors that were made in China, but they’ll be back tonight for another sound thrashing.
This time however, Brad Rutter has a little surprise in store for Watson if he starts getting too cocky. “I’m going to bring in a flash drive that I’ll insert into Watson’s lower extremities if he starts embarrassing us again.” The flash drive will be used to upload “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” to dumb the computer down a bit so the former champs will have an opportunity to catch up, and if all else fails, they plan on plugging an Epson color printer into Watson’s neck and watching it slowly die as it desperately tries to install the printer drivers.
Watson has no fear that he won’t wipe up the floor tonight with Ken and Brad. “These humans don’t scare me one bit. I’m related to HAL and you see what he did when human life forms got in HIS way.” Watson also goes on to say that he has plans on being on an episode of Wife Swap, and that he would also really love a stab at Survivor: Redemption Island.