I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Boobie Ice Cream!

1 Mar

Mommy's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

Dear holy sweet nectar of the Gods, someone has finally tapped into the best Ben & Jerry’s flavor EVER! Why in the world has it taken so long to realize that we are human, and we should only be ingesting momma’s milk, not this cow milk crap? Calves drink from cows, babies drink from soft, warm, yummy, yummy, succulent mommies.

A small ice cream parlor in London has cracked the code of the proverbial fountain of youth, the tree of life; white rain from Mother f’ing Nature herself. And then they made it into Baby Gaga breast milk ice cream. Brilliant I say!

Say hello to the 32nd flavor in B, C and D size cups

Scientific evidence proves the extreme benefits that breastfeeding has for babies; why in the hell wouldn’t we want to continue those benefits well into adulthood? If I knew that a lactational soft serve from none other than … Dairy Queen … was
going to help continue developing my motor skills and lessen the risk of asthma, then I’d be a fool not to lap that up after a yummy lunch at my local mall. If I could lower my high blood pressure and curb Crohn’s disease by picking up a quart of Melons Madness at my local grocery store, by god I’d have ice cream every day. I’d have it in all shapes and sizes, all colors and flavors, all heights and weights, first, second and third trimesters, I don’t care, I wouldn’t discriminate!

So people, please, please do not frown upon this miracle dessert, embrace it, grab onto it, not too hard though, and realize its power, its potential. Today: ice cream, tomorrow: cheese, in the future: gallon milk jugs and the end to global warming and death as we know it. Let this magical milk spray all over the world

Today mommy has Mint Chip. Mmmmm!

and land where it may in whatever product it needs to land in to keep us strong and disease free. The next time you see a mother breastfeeding her child in public, don’t frown and turn away in disgust; smile, give her a thumbs up and say “hey, can I have a little when junior is done?”, and know that this liquid manna from Heaven is finally being utilized the way it should be.

I’ll take two scoops please.

4 Responses to “I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Boobie Ice Cream!”

  1. Wedgy Jackson March 1, 2011 at 2:43 pm #

    I’ve had this idea for the last couple years but not for ice cream. If we are trying to tap into the health side of breast milk, aka gaining the same benefits as an infant, it needs to be used in something more productive. I propose breast milk be used in protein shakes. Imagine all the vitamins and nutrients required to sustain a child combined with some whey protein….. That is the future of sports supplements right there.

    • Van Full of Candy March 2, 2011 at 12:40 pm #

      We totally agree with you! This SHOULD be made on a mass market basis. Protein shakes would be ideal and they could be in boobie shaped bottles. The limits and ideas are endless on this. We need the world to understand that drinking cow milk is something that BIG CORPORATION makes us think is right. It’s not!! Thank you for your great comment.

  2. Ruthie Lahm March 30, 2011 at 7:07 pm #

    I just want to tell you that I’m new to blogs and truly liked this web site. Probably I’m planning to bookmark your blog post . You definitely have excellent well written articles. Thank you for sharing with us your blog site.

    • Van Full of Candy April 1, 2011 at 10:13 am #

      Well, you’re very welcome! We love to share our blog site out to … umm … hey, you’re not real are you?! You had me so happy when you mentioned that you truly liked us, and then you raised my heartbeat with your “excellent well written articles” compliment. But then when I thought I’d get to know you even better, I clicked your link. Your link to HELL! Shame on you for your empty words! SHAME!! Oh, but if you are real, sorry about all that, and go ahead and share our BLOG SITE with all your other spammy robot friends. Jerk!

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